His Real Secret
by Zera Rask
Summary: Bruce's secret is that he's always angry. But what if there was something else that helped him remain in control?


**A/N: I have this pretty large headcanon about Bruce and his daughter, but I know OC's aren't the most fun to read about so this is a small oneshot from a scene I've had in mind for a while now. Very rough characterizations for everyone except Bruce. No OC's mentioned by name. Very little detail surrounding the OC's. Trigger Warning: mild abuse, previous abuse hinted at but not mentioned. I really love my OC for Bruce's daughter, but I know OC's can be unenjoyable so this is just a test run. **

**Enjoy and have a lovely evening.**

**P.S. I own absolutely none of the marvel characters. **

He saw her in the hellicarrier when everyone was arguing. In the moment that Captain Rogers told him to put down the staff and before he realized he'd picked it up he glanced to the side and saw a little girl smiling shyly at him. He saw her every time. His secret was he was always angry, but the real secret was her face that appeared when he was on the brink of transformation. Bruce Banner has not seen his daughter in three years. The accident took place when she was sixteen. He had kissed her on the top of the head before leaving for the lab and hadn't been home since for fear of her safety both from himself and General Ross. But every time he started to feel the anger extending beyond the limits of his tenuous control he saw his daughter. He didn't see her as she was when he left – all gangly limbs with curly hair up in a bun and some acne on her forehead – no he saw her as she was when she was five years old. Through the haze of fury and the pain of change her smiling face shined brightly at him. Sometimes it was enough to bring him back from the edge; sometimes it wasn't. He never wondered why he saw her at that specific age, but he often wondered why he saw her at all. Dr. Banner hypothesized about delusions brought on by guilt and gamma radiation, but he never had to think about why she was five years old. Because when his daughter was five years old he had hit her open handed across the face quite hard. In fact the force of the blow had been enough to send her flying out of her chair at the kitchen table and sprawling onto the floor. And that was the real secret of it. As soon as he'd done it Bruce had rushed to where she was crying and lying on the floor. The regret and the shame had filled him instantly as he held her shaking body promising he'd never do it again. He remembered feeling fear after that. Fear that he wouldn't keep that promise to her, that he would be just like his father after all. Bruce had kissed the top of her head and rocked her back and forth repeating a chant like mantra. "I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I am so sorry." Eventually she stopped crying and fell asleep in his arms; still so trusting. Later on, when she was in her bed and the shame had abated enough that Bruce's hands stopped shaking, he thought about why he had hit her. There was no single reason to pin it too, just a jumbled ball of problems and stress that piled up into one defining snap of his temper.

He was a single parent. He was still in school. He worried about taking care of her. He didn't know how the light bill would be paid this month. She had been very loud that evening. She didn't want to eat her green beans. Everything was strictly budgeted. There was no room for waste. He had approached the problem the way he did for most things: logically. He had tried reasoning with her and learned that you can't reason with a five year old. She had thrown her plate on the floor scattering the precious vegetables. His hand had shot out like a thing disconnected from his brain. It was reflex. It was instinct. It was memories of his father and he hated himself for it.

It was Friday night when that happened and by the time Monday came and she went back to Kindergarten the bruise had faded to a light pink mark. No one at the school asked him about it. No one came to take her. No one came to punish him. And he hated himself even more for getting away with it. The next Friday that came he had worked up the courage to confess what he'd done to his sister in laws who watched his daughter when he was in school and she wasn't. The women had looked at him finally one of them said "So what? It is no small thing, Bruce to hit a child and knock them from their chair. What I am asking is; so what are you going to do about it?" Before he could answer the second Aunt spoke up.

"You worry about this thing and let it eat away at you because you think it makes you like your father. Well let me tell you your father was a weak man. Parenting is hard. It is one of the hardest things there is and you are doing it by yourself."

The first Aunt completed the thought "When my sister left you with the baby we prepared ourselves to raise her. We thought certainly he won't raise this child himself with six years of school left. But you kept her and are raising her well because you are stronger than your father."

Now the second Aunt finished with "Hitting a child like that is certainly not a good thing, but it is not the worst thing. And the look I see in your eyes tells me you'd rather eat barbed wire than hit her again. So here's what I'll tell you: you ever feel like you're a danger to your daughter call us and we'll take care of her for as long as you need us too. But I have a feeling you won't call."

They were right Bruce never did call them, but he never really forgave himself for what he felt was his biggest mistake. And now years later the guilt and shame of that mistake kept the rage down. Sometimes she was smiling, sometimes she stared solemnly, but she was always there before the Hulk appeared, like a miner's canary. No one knew he saw her. Although it was probably in his file that he had a daughter. No one ever asked him about it and he never brought her up. He was contacting old friends and colleagues now that things were relatively stable for him with shield and maybe someone knew where she was or how he could find her. Bruce didn't know what would happen if they did reconnect, but he had wanted to see her again for so long and now his situation was safer the possibility of hugging his daughter and kissing the top of her head was so close to reality it was almost painful. Bruce kept one true secret from the team in part to hide his shame and in part to maintain some exclusive connection with his daughter. No one else knew he saw her, and that was fine with him.


End file.
